Slap It On, Move Them Out

Despite a hectic weekend of soccer games and piano recitals, I somehow managed to get a second coat of paint on the desk cabinets for the other side of the window. Now on their second week in the garage--and taking up the space where my husband usually parks his truck--they nagged me each time I jumped into the car on yet another errand. I finally got to them tonight, just before dark, arriving simultaneously with the mosquitoes.

I don't know why I put off simple things like this for so long. I spend more time worrying about doing them than it takes to perform the tasks. For instance, it took me about 30 minutes to slap a second coat of paint on those cabinets, including the time to get out my tools and strain the paint. (That is one job I would just as soon never have to do again.) I could've done the painting four or five times this week after work, or even early Saturday morning. But I kept putting it off. The worst part is, the paint takes 24 hours to dry before I can top coat it. So the longer I procrastinate, the longer my project takes.

I've got the same problem with the kitchen valances. One section is cut and just waiting for me to sew four simple, straight seams. Nothing fancy, these curtains. Just plain toppers that will hang from drapery clips. I don't even have to sew a rod pocket! But the fabric has been sitting on my guest room bed for at least two weeks now, an unwanted reminder each time I pass by the open door that I've got one more thing to do.

If I sat down right now, it would probably take me 30 minutes, tops, to knock that out. An hour for both windows. The most time would be consumed by threading the sewing machine and pressing the final product. Yet, still it sits, and so do I.

There's got to be some psychological reasoning behind all this, but I don't know what it is. Why are some people able to focus on one task at a time and complete it while others, like me, try to juggle a million things at once and hardly finish any of them? I don't think I'm afraid to finish a project--I yearn for that feeling of achievement and completion! But I feel pulled in so many directions, so many demands on my time.

Maybe that's an unavoidable byproduct of motherhood. As a general rule, mothers, more than fathers, seem to be responsible for a larger number of different tasks in the household--not to mention their jobs outside the home. I'm the primary child caregiver, which means I also am the chauffeur to piano lessons, soccer practices and games, sleepovers, pet-sitting jobs, haircut appointments, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, orthodontist appointments, optometrist appointments, etc. I also am the household manager, responsible for bill paying, grocery shopping, and making sure that anything we need from the store is in our pantry or medicine cabinet. Even when the car needs fixing, though my husband is an excellent automotive troubleshooter, I'm the one who takes it to the shop--and waits, and waits, and waits for it. That's because I'm the primary driver; he has a company vehicle. But it still takes time. Even now, as we seek bids on replacing our siding and renovating a bathroom, I'm the one who's making all the calls, meeting with the estimators, and nagging them when they don't call back with the promised figures.

Don't get me wrong--my husband does a lot. He's here to get the kids off to school on the two mornings I leave for the office early. He also does his share of the laundry (he won't let me TOUCH his shirts) and does cooking duty on weekends. He handles the heaviest lawn care tasks, like leaf blowing and trimming, while we share the lawnmowing, raking, etc. Yet, I still feel that I'm the one whose Daytimer is her life and breath.

Maybe I need to go back to kindergarten to learn how to focus on one thing at a time--oh wait, I never went to kindergarten! I just started at first grade. Perhaps that's my problem.

I wonder if it's too late to register for the fall semester.

The Real Reason Why

I have come to the conclusion that the real reason why more women (and men) are trying to do-it-themselves is this: the vast majority of us get no respect. Not just respect--we get NOTHING from most contractors, builders, carpenters, and home improvement companies. Unless you have a project that is estimated to cost $75,000 or more, most businesses don't want to give you the time of day. At least that's been my experience.

A couple of years ago, when we first considered building the twin desks/bookshelves/window seat in our daughter's room, we called about five companies listed in the Yellow Pages as "home improvement contractors" or "cabinet makers." Before calling, we checked out all of them with the Better Business Bureau, and they were all members in good standing. They all listened to my project description over the phone and agreed to come give us an estimate. Four scheduled an appointment. One said he would but never called back and never returned my repeated calls. Three showed up. One gave me a verbal estimate and promised to send a written one. He never did, though he did repeat his promise on the phone a few weeks later. Another one gave us a verbal estimate and also promised a written estimate--but we never heard from him again. Mind you, this fellow lives 10 houses down the street from us! He even walked to our house to do the personal inspection. Yet, despite repeated calls to his office, we never got a response. My last message (about #5) was quite blunt: "If you don't want to do this job, please give me the courtesy of calling to tell me!" No response. Only one of the contractors gave us the courtesy of a written estimate--and her bid was about 10 times more than the other verbal ones, probably because she kept suggesting add-ons that upped the price.

The same thing happened when we renovated the kitchen last year. We needed a carpenter to custom-make a base cabinet. There were many cabinetmakers listed in the phone book, and we called several. No one was willing to come out and look at it. A neighbor recommended one of his co-workers who freelanced such work, so we contacted him. He came out, took digital photos of the layout, and spent about an hour talking with me, and promised to get me a written estimate within the week. He also said he could finish the job within a couple of weeks. As you can probably guess by now, I never heard from him again. And this guy was also someone who lived in my neighborhood!

I might have chalked this up to discrimination against females, since I was the one who met with most of the contractors. And after all, the only one who provided the estimate as promised was the female owner of a home improvement company. But my husband was there for two of the meetings, so I don't think that was the problem. I suppose it's just the nature of the business these days, at least in my area. It's not worth the professionals' time to take small or medium-sized home projects.

So what are we to do? Learn to do it ourselves. At least if we screw it up, we're not paying exhorbitant prices to someone else for the privilege. And if we change our minds halfway through the project and want to add something or delete something, we just do it. No changes to a contract or haggling with the carpenter.

Who knows, maybe this is a conspiracy between the hardware stores and the contracting business. The stores could give the contractors huge discounts for their materials, and the contractors refuse small jobs--forcing people like me to spend untold amounts of money buying this, that, and the other to do them ourselves. Then they figure that eventually, most newbies will screw up the project and have to call in a contractor to repair a HUGE mess--one that costs more than the original project ever would have. Everybody wins, except the homeowner.

Maybe I'm being paranoid. No wonder--it's another Saturday, and it's raining all day. Not much work getting done around here by anybody.

Charge me up, Scotty!

I now have my own cordless drill set, thanks to my thoughtful husband! The set was a Mother's Day gift--I wonder if he read my wish list on here???????? It's a nice set that fits into a drawer insert. Included with the drill are numerous bits, tape measure, pencil (?), and stud finder. The fact that my husband of 16 years gave me a "stud finder" is, in itself, interesting. I wonder if he's trying to get rid of me?

Of course, now I have to find the time to USE the drill! This weekend was a busy one, with Mother's Day activities here and with my own Mom, 2 1/2 soccer games to attend, and yardwork. Next Saturday is the last soccer weekend til fall, so in the words of my dear Daddy, "After that, maybe things will lighten up."

In my cursory review of the news web pages yesterday, I noticed a feature on Barbara K, the female hardware designer who has her own line of women-oriented tools. (The tool reviews weren't that great in This Old House, though.) I haven't had a chance to read it, but it was at www.nytimes.com.

Speaking of This Old House, did I ever mention that my letter is out? The May issue was delivered to my house a couple of weeks ago, and sure enough, my letter was in there. Just like they promised!

One more Mother's Day item

Not to in any way disparage my earlier list of Mother's Day gift suggestions, I have one more to add: a ceramic hair straightener/iron. Not the $19.99 version but the one that's $85 or more. I ran into my hairdresser at the mall yesterday, and she confirmed that they do great on hair like mine with less damage and longer results. Just because I'm a handywoman doesn't mean I don't want my hair to look good!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz

I have finally come to the conclusion that the only way I will ever be able to accomplish half of what I want and need to do is to give up sleeping. Already, I get far less than the norm--anywhere from 4-6 hours on most days. This Saturday, I had the rare occasion to sleep til 8:30 a.m. Unfortunately, I should've gotten up hours earlier because the soccer games we THOUGHT had been canceled due to rain were not and were scheduled to start at 9 a.m. Two kids, two games, two fields, two separate parks--both at 9 a.m. Nothing like panic to get everyone up and out of the house quickly.

This weekend, I had high hopes. I had a long list of things to do, as usual. But this time I thought I might be able to get most of it done, if not all of it. The games, I thought, would be canceled, freeing up time Saturday morning. When that didn't work out, I still had ambitions of accomplishing half of my list. But then I took my daughters to the mall, and there went the day.

Shopping is not something I do well with my children, especially when it comes to clothes. Usually, one or both of us ends up fighting and saying things we wish we hadn't, and we come home with nothing. We go to the mall about once a year, mainly because I hate the crowds and the long drive to the one area mall that seems to have the stores we need. This time, the girls behaved rather well, and somehow I held my tongue--most of the time, anyway. We even bought some clothes, though they were not nearly enough. (My 14-year-old and I have been in a tug of war on clothes for so long that she is down to 2 pairs of jeans and a handful of old t-shirts.)

At any rate, by the time the games were done, the mall trip was finished, and we got home--it was 6 p.m. Dinner, chores, and a much-needed movie from Blockbuster filled out the day.

Sunday wasn't much different. Church, lunch, cutting the front and back yards, prepping the vegetable bed, and laundry took up most of the day. What was left was consumed with a 3-hour trip to Walmart for over $300 worth of groceries and household needs! That's far longer than my normal grocery run (and more expensive!) but I knew we needed more than I could push in my lone cart. So I bribed the 10-year-old to go with me. She did help by pushing the cart with the "light" things, but she also slowed us down considerably by looking at everything we passed and asking if we could buy it. By the time we left, my patience and my back were gone.

The saving grace today was that I took about 45 minutes to research a bit more on my writing. I didn't actually get to WRITE, which was the goal, but I put down quite a few thoughts, refreshed my memory, and felt that I accomplished one small task.

Now, if I can just stay awake all night to finish the others!